


i don't know exactly what part of you i miss (but i miss you)

by OceannanotOceania



Series: wonder if [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Model!Hongbin, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 22:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceannanotOceania/pseuds/OceannanotOceania
Summary: After the breakup, Hongbin can't feel anything.





	i don't know exactly what part of you i miss (but i miss you)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you just love when you accidentally write a sequel. No but, this is essentially Hongbin's point of view of what happened in _faraway memories (getting clearer)_. Technically speaking it's not necessary to read that fic first, but it gives more context to what happens in this. Once again, not betaed, so forgive me if it's messy anywhere.

The dream jerks Hongbin awake, the man bolting upright in bed, panting faintly. He moves his legs minutely, feeling the stickiness there. Hongbin sighs, his head falling back with a surprisingly loud  _ thud _ against the headboard. He looks down to Wonsik, the man still deep in slumber, lips slightly parted as he quietly snores. Hongbin can’t help a small smile, quickly shaking away the feelings of endearment soon after.

Hongbin lets out a breath. This can’t happen again. Tendrils of the dream had stayed with him: Taekwoon’s plush lips against his, head moving down to press his lips against Hongbin’s cheek, his neck, anywhere along the expanse of his skin. Taekwoon’s hand had been so soft as he’d wrapped it around Hongbin’s cock, dream cutting off just as Hongbin had felt himself getting closer and closer to orgasm.

The man’s eyes flicker up to the ceiling, grip on the sheets loosening and tightening. He focuses his hearing on the faint snores from Wonsik, eyes slowly closing. He pauses, nodding his head slowly before laying back in bed, willing himself into a dreamless slumber.

~

“I can’t do this anymore.” Hongbin takes a final bite of his toast.

“What do you mean,  _ can’t _ do this?” Wonsik leans back against the kitchen island, taking a sip of his coffee.

Hongbin gestures around the room. “This. Us. I can’t take it anymore, you’re too overbearing.”

“What do you-” Hongbin walks back to Wonsik’s bedroom before he has to hear anything else. “Hongbin!”

“I don’t want to hear it, Wonsik.” Hongbin slams the bedroom door, quickly glancing around the room before he spots his large, black duffel bag. He grabs the duffel bag, going to get everything left in the room and bathroom, a mix of clean and dirty clothes, toiletries, and makeup thrown haphazardly into the bag.

“Hongbin.” Wonsik has opened the bedroom door, standing in the doorway.

Hongbin rolls his eyes, throwing the strap over one shoulder and walking forward, placing a hand on Wonsik’s chest. “Let me go.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t love you anymore.” Hongbin replies, doing his best to make the words seem genuine.

Wonsik’s face falls. “W-What?”

“I don’t love you.” Hongbin says. “I-It’s been awhile since I’ve  _ actually _ loved you, Wonsik. I thought I could put up with your bullshit but I really can’t. Not anymore.”

Wonsik’s mouth remains open. Hongbin gulps, feeling his chest swell.

“Let me leave, Wonsik.” Hongbin says, weaker than intended. “Please.”

Wonsik’s eyes flicker away before he steps out of the doorway. Hongbin nods his head in thanks, walking over to the front door.

“I, I still love you.” Wonsik says.

Hongbin stares at the open door, pursing his lips. He shrugs his bag up.

“Goodbye, Wonsik.”

~

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Hongbin snorts. “I’ll have my usual.”

Sanghyuk nods, turning away from Hongbin before grabbing his favorite brand of whiskey, filling a glass almost to the brim. He gently places it onto a coaster in front of Hongbin, the model flashing a small smile.

“Thanks.” Hongbin brings up the glass to his lips, drinking a quarter of the glass before setting it down, exhaling faintly.

Sanghyuk quirks an eyebrow. “Might want to slow down.”

“I’ll be fine.” Hongbin glances at the rest of the bar. “You might want to check in on your other patrons.”

Sanghyuk rolls his eyes, letting out a chuckle before walking away. Hongbin flashes a bittersweet smile, idly swirling the liquid in his glass, a small amount landing on the bar. He frowns.

Sanghyuk returns a few minutes later, bar rag in tow.

“So what’s happened?”

Hongbin watches Hyuk clean up the small mess. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Sanghyuk says. “Seeing as how you’ve presumably been too busy to come to my bar for quite a few months, I can’t help thinking something bad has happened.”

“Oh. Right.” Hongbin takes a swig from his glass. “I, I went through a breakup.”

“Oh.” Sanghyuk looks down to Hongbin’s half-full glass, turning away to grab the bottle of whiskey, topping Hongbin’s glass off again.

Hongbin chuckles. “Thank you, Hyukkie.”

Sanghyuk snorts. “Haven’t heard that in a while.”

Hongbin smiles around the glass he’s lifted to his lips, finishing off his sip before setting it back down. “I’m sure you haven’t missed it.”

Sanghyuk shrugs. “So, you don’t need to tell me everything, just say what you’re comfortable with.”

Hongbin lets out a breath. “Where to begin.”

The model divulges essentially everything: how Wonsik and Hongbin had such a golden relationship initially, how everything had begun to fall apart once Wonsik had become convinced that Hongbin was trying to fuck his manager, Taekwoon. He mentions how, even despite that-

“I still love him.” Hongbin sighs, bringing up the whiskey glass to his lips.

“Well then.” Sanghyuk wipes at a nonexistent spot near Hongbin. “I’m sorry, Hongbin.”

Hongbin shrugs. “It’s not your fault everything went to shit.”

“Still.” Sanghyuk replies. “Isn't it a friend’s job to comfort their friend when they're in pain?”

Hongbin snorts, knocking back the rest of his glass. “I guess so.” He watches Sanghyuk fill up Hongbin’s glass, nodding in thanks before taking another sip. “How's Jaehwan?”

Sanghyuk blows out a breath. “The same as always.”

“Are you two fighting?”

Sanghyuk shrugs. “You know how he gets when work’s stressful.”

“Yes, being a lead musical actor must be so much harder than modeling.”

Sanghyuk snorts, putting away the whiskey bottle. “I'm cutting you off if you keep talking like that.”

“Sanghyuk.” Hongbin pouts his lips.

The bartender rolls his eyes. “That stopped working years ago, Binnie.”

Hongbin quirks an eyebrow, Sanghyuk muttering a quick apology. 

“But, in all seriousness, I'm going to cut you off if you drove here.”

Hongbin shakes his head. “I walked here.”

“Still.” Sanghyuk says. “You're probably good from here.”

Hongbin rolls his eyes. “You say so.”

Sanghyuk frowns. “You're going to be okay, right? Eventually.”

Hongbin nods slowly. “Eventually.”

\---

“Sorry that I’m having you grab these from my place, but Hakyeon really was needing help with the cooking,” Taekwoon looks away from Hongbin, flinching when there’s a  _ thud _ .

“I’m fine!” Hakyeon calls faintly.

“New dish.” Taekwoon mumbles. He holds out the proofs for Hongbin, the model grabbing them before nodding in thanks. “And you’re sure you wouldn’t want to stay over for dinner? I can clarify some things I wrote on the proofs.”

Hongbin shakes his head. “This is your first actual break in a while, it seems unfair for me to intrude like this.”

Taekwoon purses his lips. “Alright. Just, call me if you need to, okay? You’ve seemed off recently.”

“I will.” Hongbin flashes a small smile. “Thank you Taekwoon.”

Taekwoon smiles in reply, flinching again when there’s another  _ thud _ . “Sorry I really should-”

“Yeah, for sure.” Hongbin gives a quick wave, Taekwoon nodding in reply before closing the door. The model closes his eyes, letting out a breath and walking away.

~

In all honesty, walking home had likely been a mistake. Hongbin falls onto the sofa in his living room, proofs thrown onto the coffee table nearby. The model lets out a breath against the cushion, warm breath blown back against his skin. Normally, the walk between his and Taekwoon’s apartments wasn’t too bad- not more than a kilometer each direction- yet tonight his body felt so heavy and tired, as if he’d run a half-marathon in the span of thirty minutes. 

With another sigh, Hongbin slowly sits up on the couch, leaning forward to grab the manila folder of proofs off the coffee table. He pulls out the stack of proofs, keeping it all neatly stacked as he reads over the notes on each photo. The notes reflect what Taekwoon’s been saying for months now: Hongbin looks too stiff, poses unnatural, expressions too forced to look genuine. Hongbin’s eyes rest on the last proof in the stack, the photo marked up the least, a comment stating,  _ ‘this one looks the most natural, but nothing like you used to be’ _ . The model groans, throwing the stack of proofs onto the coffee table, some skidding down to the floor in front of it. He leans back, head thudding against the wall, ignoring the spark of pain at the action.

He has no idea what to do. At first, Hongbin thought his modelling had just been weird because he had regrets about breaking up with Wonsik, but he’d honestly moved on from it fast enough. The real issue is he had no emotions nowadays. It’s like he’d forgotten how to feel  _ anything _ ; the only thing he could do is fake being able to feel the same emotions he used to convey in other shoots. It was enough to fool photographers- he still got plenty of compliments from those he worked with, always applauded for his beauty- yet Taekwoon saw through it almost every time, feedback left behind on proofs time and again calling out Hongbin’s fake emotions.

An insistent vibration in his pocket is what it takes to pull Hongbin out of self-deprecating thoughts, the model quickly sitting up and grabbing his phone. He squints, opening up his voicemail, eyes immediately widening when he realizes who left them. He brings up the phone to his ear to better hear the messages.

Wonsik sounds so drunk. Hongbin can practically hear the alcohol dripping in the man’s voice, phantom alcohol breath leaking through the speaker of his phone. He’d only left a couple messages, both cut off by the voicemail limit. Hongbin plays through both of them one last time, letting out a slow breath. He dials Wonsik’s number.

~

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Hongbin replies.

“I’m sorry.” Wonsik says, firmer than before. “We wouldn’t have had issues if it wasn’t for me.”

“Wait, Wonsik, no,” Hongbin says. “It was me too. I should’ve said more-”

“It’s fine.” Wonsik cuts in. “You don’t need to blame yourself at all.”

Hongbin frowns. He clenches a fist, hand slowly relaxing. He shouldn’t do this. His hand moves despite his brain saying otherwise, hovering a few centimeters near Wonsik’s cheek. Wonsik’s eyes shut, the man leaning into his touch, warmth radiating along the skin of Hongbin’s hand. Idly, Hongbin brushes his thumb along Wonsik’s cheek.

“I forgive you.”

Wonsik’s eyes flutter open, lips parting. “Uh-”

“For everything.” Hongbin cuts in. “If you won’t let me take any fault, I’ll just say that.”

“Really?”

Hongbin nods, thumb going back to rubbing along Wonsik’s cheek. “I really have missed you.”

A smile appears on Wonsik’s face, the man faintly humming. Hongbin’s brain continues to yell at him, body moving despite logic advising for anything but this. His hand moves down to grab Wonsik’s chin, Hongbin taking a slight step forward before bringing his lips to Wonsik’s own.

The kiss brings memories back for Hongbin: that first night they’d met, the pair more drunk than they should have been, just barely able to stumble over to Wonsik’s place. Their kisses had been sloppy, breaths tinted with whiskey and cheap beer.

Hongbin pulls away, resting his forehead against Wonsik’s. “Your lips taste like a whiskey-covered ashtray.”

Wonsik chuckles, eyebrow raised. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s fine.” Hongbin says, feeling a smile threaten to appear. “It reminds me of when we first met.”

“Neither of us had smoked that night.”

“Still.” Hongbin replies. 

His eyes close, lips returning to Wonsik’s own. Hongbin lifts his other hand up to Wonsik’s cheek, both hands grasping lightly at Wonsik’s face. His hands slide down as he feels Wonsik’s lips part, Hongbin’s tongue moving into Wonsik’s mouth.

Hongbin pulls away a few seconds later, keeping his face close to Wonsik’s. “Take me to bed.” His lips brush against Wonsik’s as he speaks, faintly tickling.

Wonsik chuckles, a deep-voiced sound Hongbin hadn't realized how desperately he missed, before the man leans forward to give Hongbin a chaste kiss. He grabs one of Hongbin’s hands, the pair’s feet carrying them to Wonsik’s bedroom.

The room is about as clean as the rest of the apartment he’d seen, clutter and clothing shoved onto the walls away from Wonsik’s bed, dresser littered with various jewelry and other trinkets.

Wonsik grabs Hongbin’s other hand, pushing the model close enough to the bed that his knees hit the side of it. He pushes Hongbin a bit more, the model falling onto the bed. Wonsik chuckles again, Hongbin merely rolling his eyes and moving around so that his head rests against Wonsik’s pillow. A grin remains on Wonsik’s face, eyes slightly scrunched, before the man moves down to press his lips to Hongbin’s own. Hongbin can’t help giggling, lips parted enough for Wonsik to move his tongue into Hongbin’s mouth. The model holds back the want to roll his eyes, instead grabbing at both of Wonsik’s arms, grip hard as he flips Wonsik onto the bed.

Wonsik’s eyes are wide, parted lips tinted a dark pink.

Hongbin smirks, leaning down to press a brief kiss to Wonsik’s lips. “You know this isn’t how this works.”

Wonsik chuckles. “I thought we weren’t having sex.”

“We’re not.” Hongbin replies. “I just like being on top.”

Wonsik rolls his eyes. “Just kiss me.”

Hongbin chuckles. “You sound just like me.”

Hongbin’s eyes slowly close as he moves forward, going back to kiss Wonsik. The pair exchange messy kisses for a while, Hongbin sighing into Wonsik’s mouth.

The model pulls away after a while, moving a hand up to Wonsik’s right cheek.

“Will you still be here in the morning?” Wonsik asks faintly.

Hongbin drags his right thumb along Wonsik’s lower lip, eyes briefly flickering away. “I have work tomorrow.”

Wonsik grabs Hongbin’s right bicep. “Please stay the night. Please be here in the morning. Just...”

Hongbin purses his lips. “Will you cook me breakfast?”

“Of course.”

“Provide coffee?”

“I don’t have creamer at the moment.”

Hongbin rolls his eyes. “Of course you don’t. Sugar?”

Wonsik nods.

Hongbin slowly nods his head. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

The most relieved smile appears on Wonsik’s face, the happiest Wonsik has looked the entire night. Hongbin can’t help smiling in reply.

“Just remember to actually cook.”

“Of course.” Wonsik replies. He reaches up a hand, carding it through Hongbin’s hair. “I love you.”

Hongbin’s eyes widen, Wonsik’s face quickly falling. The model kneels back, still resting on Wonsik’s legs as the man sits up.

“Hongbin I’m so-”

“I love you too.” The words fall from Hongbin’s mouth without much thought. “Maybe. I-I don’t know.”

“That’s fine.” Wonsik replies faintly. “We don’t need to do anything past this night, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Can I kiss you again?” The question comes slowly.

Hongbin licks his lips, nodding his head. A small smile comes onto Wonsik’s face before he moves forward again, pressing his lips to Hongbin’s.


End file.
